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The Hidden Side of Forgiveness

The Hidden Side of Forgiveness

In mommy life, how often do we hear “Mommy, will you forgive me?” during the course of a week? If I’m training my children to recognize their faults and practice humility, I will hopefully hear this phrase at least a few times a week. Days get busy, children disobey, attitudes flare up and mommies can get frustrated too. I often have to ask my kids for forgiveness for my own attitude. It’s important for us moms to teach our kids by example how to deal with their emotions, identify their wrongs and seek forgiveness to make their relationships right again. But how can we effectively do this?

Don’t Focus on the Fault

When we are hurt, we often only consider the offender’s faults. I think about what that person did to me, how they hurt or disappointed me and how it made me feel. I might even be angry about the wrong. But I often “come around” and I’ll decide to forgive the person, sometimes with selfish motives. Forgiveness can especially be hard when I think about past offenses that truly impacted me. I might even feel renewed anger. I have to remind myself that I forgave that person. But did I really?

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Recognize the Problem

I recently was struck by another angle of forgiveness; a hidden side to forgiving that I had never deeply considered before. What if I’m the problem when I try to forgive an offense? What if instead of considering what the other person did to me, I truly evaluate my fault in the situation? I will always be wrong on some level within a conflict. No one is completely selfless or faultless. I’m guilty of a bad attitude, I don’t give others grace, or I will often take offense at a blow to my own pride. Every conflict always involves two wrong parties.

I recently examined a handful of situations from my experiences where I felt like other person wronged me. I tried to identify how I was wrong in each situation. Once I identified my wrong attitude or selfish response, the other person’s faults seemed much less offensive. Recognizing how much I need to be forgiven makes it much easier for me to forgive others.

What if we have forgiveness backwards? Forgiveness isn’t about considering if a person deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is recognizing a person’s fault and choosing to forget the wrong and love the person anyway (or at least not hold on to bitterness towards them). Forgiveness is giving grace because we know we  also need grace.

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Forgive as We’ve Been Forgiven

There’s only one way I can truly forgive wrongs done to me. I can forgive other people through the grace offered to me by Jesus. He gave his life to forgive me for my sins (offenses/wrongs) so that I can have joyful relationships and extend forgiveness to others.

The forgiveness Jesus offers me if I ask is enough to cover all my wrongs and gives me grace to forgive others.

Have you experienced this forgiveness?
John 3:16 is a well known verse that even my little kids know by heart, with life changing truth.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Forgiveness is just the beginning and the first step to life as God intended for us.

How do you view forgiveness? I’d love to hear your experiences and methods shared in the comments.

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Author Bio

Katie

Katie has been married for 9 years, has 3 young children, and loves creative projects, photography, decorating, and encouraging others to pursue their ideas. She loves the Lord and feels blessed to be a stay-at-home mom with opportunities to enjoy creative outlets from home.

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14 Comments on "The Hidden Side of Forgiveness"

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Joanna

I do believe that it is important to forgive and forget, otherwise we will carry a weight in our soul with every person that we chose not to. It’s hard but we have to because it’s our own choice and it does affect the way we live our lives, in sadness and anger instead of joy and happiness. Forgive and forget!

Ithfifi

That is some great perspective, its easy to look at what others have done to upset us but turning it around the way you have is a great way for us to learn and grow and potentially help us avoid getting into those scenarios in the first place maybe!

Roxy

I really needed to read this, not only in regards to the relationship of my children but my relationship with my in laws. Amazing how looking at our own faults can remind us to be gracious, loving and forgiving, because if I’m telling the truth we could all benefit from getting more of that! ❤️

Kmomma

Thank you for this! This is something I’ve been working on teaching my 3 year old currently ( the need to forgive and be forgiven). Our Pastor has done 2 sermons recently on forgiveness so it’s been heavy on my heart recently!

Lyosha

I feel you! I always felt wrong when my parents couldn’t fully forgive me sometimes after saying they did; it was traumatic, I’m glad they worked hard under that and in the end of the day they learned to true forgive all the time they said so. I work to make myself such a person.

Sophie

Your second point really hit home, I need to try to do that more often. I know that in the past when I have been hurt in relationships I don’t recognize my part in things until way after, when it is already too late to try and mend things. If I could try to do this when it has just happened we might be able to work through our conflicts better. Thanks!

Preet

What an amazing post. I am working on my kids about forgiveness and remind them the basics often so that they are kind and understand how not forgiving someone can even make them sad too. Forgiving is an important part of being a human, we have emotions, we do feel different kind of emotions based on how our life is going on and at some point, the situation and emotion might not compliment each other and there may be conflicts. It can be someone else or it can be me, so forgiving and be understanding the situation is good.

Ellie Plummer

This is very useful. Forgiveness is so important otherwise you end up so bitter. Life is way too short to not forgive so you might as well enjoy life and forget about the badness.

Nichole

What a well written piece; i needed this reminder today!! Thank you❤️

mily jain

I do try and forget people and things which trouble me but i find it difficult to forgive..i am working on it though to simplify my life!

Nicole V

Very good lesson on forgiveness! It can be hard to self-reflect but it’s important. I agree with also being a model of the behavior we want to see imore our kids.

Lisa

Forgiving someone at times is hard but if the Lord forgave us for all of our sins who are we to deny our forgiveness to others. We must learn to forgive and forget live goes on and it is to short to spend it withholding our forgiveness.

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